February 18, 2014
...And Forget Not
I debated about writing a post today, on this third anniversary of my accident. I debated about even using that word--how many things are accidents, anyway? I've been debating all sorts of things since the day it happened.
Was it my fault because I didn't stop to pick up bread when I had the feeling I should?
Should I have taken all the trouble I'd been having that week as a sign to stop going to class, instead of thinking it was just some adventure to face or hardship to push through?
Was God trying to teach me some giant lesson or did this guy just happen to be driving way too fast and lose control of his truck?
And on and on, enough to drive a girl batty.
Those questions and the details of that day, which have ceased to give me nightmares but still send a chill up my spine, keep me from sharing often, and keep me from wanting to write today. I also despise a victim mentality, when a person becomes defined by some tragic event they've been through. I fight becoming that person.
Then I remember the words of Psalm 103:2,
"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits"How can I not take the opportunity to thank God for giving me another chance at life, for waking me up when I would have never known the difference, for protecting me and providing for me in so many ways, for teaching me all the things I've come to understand in this long process of healing?
I'd love to tell you I've come out of this some renewed, enlightened person who runs marathons and jumps whenever the urge hits. Soon. For now, I can only say that I empathize with handicapped people, that I have forgiven the man who hit me and is still suing us, and that I have a greater understanding of what it means to lean on the Lord. And that my children are much better cooks than when this happened. ;)
For the rest of the details, I'll let you click away.
Bless the Lord, O my soul.